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| i checked my myspace inbox... none.
i checked the status of both letters i wrote him... read. | | |
|
i wrote the new zac a message on myspace:
what was that?? you're so upsetting zac. you have a choice to make because im not waiting. its her or me. end of story.
and 5 minutes later:
well no. i dont mean to be mean. that was mean. i just feel bad.. and idk. no nevermind. just choose. and i dont care.. who you choose.. whatever.. or whoever is fine with me. i just know you honestly love kayla and i dont want to mess that up.
and the old zac.. i talked to him today.
me: well you left me zac
me: after two years. thats just stupid.
me: i dont get it
me: but im done caring.
me: so im just.. done i guess.
zac: k
me: and i dont want things to get any worse
me: like somedays.. i dont think about you.
zac: so things are better without me?
me: no
me: but if i have to lie to myself to make everything okay, then i will.
zac: alright i get the point
me: what
zac: u dont like me very much
me: zac.
me: dont.
me: you left me
me: let me.. let you go
me: i like you.
me: okay?
me: i just cant.
zac: i am sorry
zac: want me to get off or something?
me: no
me: you're fine
me: so can we go out with other people or no?
me: is it like still not acceptable
zac: u can but like i said
zac: i am not going to
zac: cause i dont want to
me: whyy
me: zac just let it go
zac: cause i dont want ne one else
me: anyone else?
zac: ya
me: i dont get you.
then later..
zac: idk i like u...
zac: i am stupid..
zac: nevermind
me: no go on
zac: i am stupid i shouldnt have dumped u
zac: i dont like ne one else
zac: i just wanna be single
zac: therefore
zac: i am stupid.
me: no.
me: smart move.
me: it makes perfect sense.
(30 seconds later)
me: no im kidding.
me: actually it doesnt.
zac: thanks...
me: no problem buddy
me: im here for you
zac: lol u just love ripping on me dont u
me: lol yepp.
me: you make it so easy
me: you beg for sarcasm
then later..
me: im being fricken nice to you.
me: telling you to fuck people basically.
zac: fuck you?
me: excuse me?
zac: i want u.. not other people
zac: never mind...
me: yeah u make no sense
zac: i know...
me: actions speak louder than words zac.
and even later...
m (11:18:59 PM): and it doesnt make sense
m (11:19:03 PM): to like someone
m (11:19:07 PM): when they left.
m (11:19:12 PM): it's a waste of time.
m (11:19:36 PM): i figure its not going to get me
anywhere
m (11:19:40 PM): so why bother?
m (11:19:45 PM): nothing against you.
m (11:19:56 PM): i've just realized that over time.
zac (11:20:31 PM): okay
zac (11:20:35 PM): u win
zac (11:20:39 PM): u dont like me
m (11:20:46 PM): zac.
m (11:20:58 PM): thats not true.
m (11:21:00 PM): and if it was.
m (11:21:02 PM): it shouldnt bother you.
m (11:21:15 PM): thats the point im trying to get across to you.
m (11:21:18 PM): you should care.
m (11:21:21 PM): *shouldnt
zac (11:21:56 PM): but i do
zac (11:22:18 PM): not everything is logical
m (11:22:29 PM): yeah, i figured that out.
m (11:22:41 PM): because sometimes it means somethin
m (11:22:43 PM): right?
m (11:22:45 PM): and sometimes you cant help it
m (11:22:46 PM): right?
m (11:22:48 PM): like leaving
m (11:22:52 PM): you couldnt help it
m (11:23:12 PM): it wasnt logical. it was in your heart. you even said it wasnt logical. so why cant you let go
zac (11:23:28 PM): idk
zac (11:23:31 PM): i cant
m (11:23:39 PM): why though
zac (11:25:10 PM): i have not the slightest clue
m (11:25:26 PM): i wish you wouldnt
zac (11:26:07 PM): wouldnt wut
m (11:26:18 PM): do this to me. | | |
| 
now seriously. i had a game and kayla (zac's gf) isnt even on our team. we had enough players... she did not need to come and ruin my entire night. really. she didnt. so zac im's me before i leave and said he was coming down to watch me play. so i was excited, naturally and i get there and she's there. of course. i should of known. so the entire times it's 'go kayla! go kayla!' and then laughing. i could of puked. i could of killed him. then when i was catcher he was making these smartass remarks to me to try and make me laugh and i was a rock, man. i wasnt going to laugh. i was pissed dude. why the fuck would he do that? but anyway.. he knew i was pissed off. so when i went back to play 3rd he was cheering for me... right in front of her. i shot him a glare you couldn't imagine. i was fucking pissed and he knew it. im just going to tell him... 'you have a choice here. its me or her because im done waiting' and that's that. and whatever.. or whoever he chooses is fine by me. i need to calm down.. im containing my temper in this entry.. i'll go play a game.. like life maybe. because im soooo good at that.
im so fucking sick of waiting i could puke.
| | |
| 22 footprints today and not one comment. I think I may just leave this site.. and go back to my other one then.
zac: maybe when i asked kayla out u were going out with zac.
me: yeah but i still liked you zac
me: i always have and i thought you knew that
me: thats why i continued to talk to you
me: or whatever zac wanted to call it
me: when he told me i couldnt
zac: lol
zac: i noticed that but i always thought
zac: that u liked me as like. a friend.
me: no
zac: u dont no how much i like u
me: i liked colten as a friend
me: i liked alan as a friend
me: you were always different
zac: but when we were in math.. i dont know if u remember.. i said that u were hot and u looked at me like i wasnt supposed to say that
me: lol you werent
zac: why?
me: lol well it doesnt mean anything
me: that just makes you like alan and colten
me: and not very gentleman like i might add
zac: ok i wasnt gonna go all out on what i felt.. feel about u because that was when alan and colten told zac everything i did | | |
| is he going to break up with kayla?
who knows.
has he done it yet?
nope.
ugh, were moving tomorrow morning. we'll set out on the road, drive for 7 miles and unpack again. sounds pointless to me. it's just on the other side of the lake. we'll live in a trailer while building our house and then we'll move it and use it for either for storage or a guest house. or we'll just tear it down. either or, i dont really care. the property is gorgeous though. it has waterfalls that make their way down the hill to the pond which has a pretty white bridge over it with a garden surronding it. it has a suspension dock.. which is cool. idk its just pretty. we'll own 126 sq ft of the lake and then an acre of land on the lake then 5 and a half acres across the street which we'll use for quads and parties.. or whatever. im somewhat excited. but packing.. thats a big negative. we leave tomorrow morning and i just finished my clothes and decided to stop. it was getting lame. i hate packing. its sad. but whatever. the road is called fox street... fox drive.. fox road.. something like that. but it's fox. which is in the new zac's screen name because he races dirtbikes. which is fricken hot.
55 footprints today... 0 comments. oh and gee, am i shocked.
edit.
omg he's so cute. when i get into my house, he's picking me up on the jetski. cannot eat. cannot look fat. | | |
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